good intentions

alipyper - G's "First Day of College" at BYU

I want to start blogging again, but I’m lazy. It’s so much easier to post a picture on Instagram with a short comment and move on. But I like having a space online where I can document my projects and speak my mind a little bit more, so I find myself wanting to blog again. But with everything in my life right now, I want to feel very clear about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. And I want to feel proud of what I’m doing, and share it with others, but I don’t ever want to come across as bragging.

alipyper - G at BYU

I posted a picture of {G} on Instagram yesterday and when she saw it later in the afternoon, she said, “Mom, this is a total brag post! You’re totally bragging!” And a very dear friend, who I value for calling it like it is, commented on my personal Facebook page in a way that made me understand that my post had crossed the line. So I find myself wanting to tell the real story of why this particular picture and caption ended up sounding “braggy,” and more importantly why it bothered me when I was called out for it. But do I really want to reveal to the world the deep insecurities as a parent that I feel, the heartbreaking (to me) recent parenting incident that nearly pushed me over the edge psychologically, and the need to try and reassure myself that my children will succeed in their lives in spite of me and my fantastic ability to hamper and impede their spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical progress because I myself have almost no clue of what I’m doing personally and as a parent?

{On a side note, my dear friend – who also happens to cut my hair – is the oldest child in her family and her parents lovingly call her their “burnt pancake” because as the oldest she’s was the one they were trying to figure things out with. Which is funny, but if she’s a “burnt pancake” what are all the rest of us?? She’s amazing!}

alipyper - Beautiful G at BYU

I was raised to believe that “bragging ” or “tooting your own horn,” is in essence “taking credit where none is deserved” and is unseemly and ungodly. And maybe it is. But maybe it isn’t. Shouldn’t labeling someone sharing something good or amazing in their life as “bragging” be called out as tragic in and of itself? Shouldn’t we rejoice with each other in our successes and the things that bring us joy or that we’re proud of? Shouldn’t seeing someone else’s good fortune or blessings bring to us feelings of profound gratitude and joy at God’s mercy towards them? I obviously am not on that level of enlightenment because if I’m honest, I tend to judge others who come across as “braggy” harshly, which explains why being called out for my bragging or being sensitive to others perceiving me as bragging is so painful.

So where’s the line – or is there a line? While I was having a good cry in the shower this morning, my thought was to delete my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts and turn off this blog. But is that the answer? Maybe. Maybe not. (I obviously don’t think so because I just conveniently provided a link for you to visit my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts) The Mr. and I believe and have tried to teach the kids that running away from things that scare you or that you don’t understand or that you can’t manage is not always the answer. There are absolutely things you should run away from, but most of the time the answer is to learn how to manage these things by educating yourself, getting help if you need it, and reaching out to others instead of isolating yourself. So, I’m currently looking for a BA support group (Braggers Anonymous). Will you help me find one?

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2 comments

  1. Laurel

    So proud of {G} and all that she has already accomplished! What a rock star she is, and she definitely deserves credit for it! :) Love you so much Ali!

  2. ChristaQuilts

    Bragger’s Anonymous – I love it! Be proud of your girl – she deserves the accolades! After all, it’s your job as a mom to be proud of her accomplishments. Keep it comin’!!

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